I am recalling the early days of my timber framing career, an angry, confused young man, who found, something.

Direction.

Why do men tend to fare so poorly when they do not have a, “Job”?

I say this as I am recovering from a slight illness, and, focusing on the reasons my writing has slowed down.

Why do I write?

These last few weeks, the question wasn’t “Why”, but rather, “How”, how do I write?

What conditions are optimal?

What causes me to write well, and, what causes me to write poorly, and, what prevents me from writing at all.

What I was not asking was,

Why.

Why do I work?

I have long thought that the answer to this was the obvious one, money.

But, that is not truly the answer.

I need money. Very much so. Life is so much better with what money provides. Many in my life have argued that this is not at all the case, but, in most cases, it was a naive argument. Money, or, resources, and, very importantly, the ability to direct those resources as you would, matter.

But, it is far from the only reason to work. And, I come at this from a male point of view. Procuring resources matters a great deal in caring for those I love, as well as, not being a burden on others, and, in securing independence.

Direction and purpose are the next two obvious reasons.

But, I realized, just a bit ago that, there is a depth to this I hadn’t quite realized, and this has to do with focus and goals, and, it lies in the very heart of the word, “Job”.

What is my job in writing?

When I wrote my first poem, “The Bike”, poem #1, it opened a floodgate for me.

Why?

It was a deeply personal poem, that exposed an element of myself that I desired no one see. Maybe everyone saw it, but, I didn’t want to. Didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to think others could, didn’t want to acknowledge it.

I am hiding as I am writing. I mean, I am hiding right now.

I am hiding my faith, hiding my “politics”, and… what else?

Politics should not be black and white, and, mine are not, but still, this is such a divisive world, right now. I have already been “Canceled” once. It was not for any “politics”, but it was for saying… something, something that rubbed some one, or, some people, the wrong way and, the solution was to delete everything I wrote, which was a lot.

But is that important?

Ultimately, no.

So, what is?

Honesty.

I have to pursue Honesty.

I wanted to shy away from “The Bike”, but, it came first, and, it came for a reason, and it had nothing to do with politics or faith.

Life is a job. By not being honest I am hiding from work, and, I have never done that.

Honesty.