There is much to learn with this, this setting up of blogs. I have hesitated for so long because of the simple mechanics of how to bring forth what was in my head and make it look that way on the screen. I recall of how, when I was contributing to the old Metaweb,  I had to delve deep into html in order to perform simple formatting. Here, it should be much simpler, none the less, it is daunting, but, it will only get done if I do it, no?

What is it that is said, a writer writes. I believe that is it, and it is true. I have not written for years, so I was not a writer. I write again, and it begins. Christ said, take care of today and tomorrow takes care of itself. My own father, who I have not spoken to in years, says the opposite, plan for tomorrow and today takes care of itself. I will take what Christ says.

Relationships are difficult. I look around and I see that this is mostly true everywhere. Seldom do I see those who truly have it easy in all things, in all directions. Often we fool ourselves. I was fooling myself in believing this to be very difficult. To be sure it will take me some time to learn the ins and outs of formatting this blog, but how it will look, and what will be in it will be much different than what I am imagining now.

Now, now I wait for pictures from a friend who is a wonderful photographer, and was a craft partner for years, and taught me so much about marriage through the example of his own. When I see the pictures he has chosen I will likely choose a new theme for this blog, and perhaps even a new direction, and direction is likely the single largest element. Will this be a diary, will there be new poetry. Will it focus on faith, craft, family, the region I am in. What? So many questions but the beginning must be here. It is that whole journey starts thing. All the planning in the world is for naught if one doesn’t open the door and depart, and then, everything is tossed to the wind by a phone call which catches us on the threshold.

It irks me that I mention my Father, but, if I want to repair that relationship I cannot keep hiding from it, and there is a difference between sharing to much and admitting that there is an issue. There is an issue and I am part of the problem, I have become to comfortable with things the way they are. Unlike many, I can exist alone. I do not because a wonderful woman entered my life. A gift from God. My wife and I argue, much less than we did when we were first married. Such a difficult first year. What I love about my wife is that she comes back to the table. She can be mad, and angry, but she comes back and deals with me. I like to think I do the same, though, for me conflict equates to the sky is falling, the world is ending, and the Sun will swallow the earth. Today. Right now. For her, I’m learning, she’s just mad.

I am used to people throwing you away when they see something they don’t like, or, just because they feel like it, but anger pretty much has meant an end. Here it does not. I don’t wish it to be a regular thing, and it is greatly diminishing, especially when I learn to see what it is I am doing to contribute, but, I am also learning that it will always exist, and that that should be ok. Things others take for granted.

Some time ago, in frustration, I asked for a manual on life and, lo and behold, Scripture came into my life in a much bigger way than it had ever been before. I was raised Catholic, even put myself through a Catholic High School, but I had never had a true fondness for Scripture. For someone who has a very hard time understanding… people, it really is a manual on how I should act. Especially Torah (The first five books), yes, the New Testament is good as well, though so much of what Christ says directly draws from Torah. Directly, and I find it is much easier to understand what He is asking if I have that grounding, indeed, it helps in understanding the Good Book as a whole.

This is not meant to be a religious post. Though, I do not shy away from that. I have not been a godly man for the better part of my life, though I would say I strove to follow the Holy Spirit since I was a young boy. Not really understanding right from wrong, I shudder to think of where I would be today without that guiding presence, and, I have come to believe we all have it in our lives, believers or no.

This is where I say people are not puppets. We choose. And there it is like craft, again. We have to listen. Look at all the people who do such self destructive things, and then, look at all the people who are either to harsh or to permissive, and its generally not just one or the other, its usually degrees of all three elements wrapped up in the same person. Sinner, Saint, and apathetic being. I see it in my marriage, I see it in work, in church, on the streets, in the actions of friends and strangers. I work hard not to have it in my own life, but of course it is there with abundance as well.

Logic doesn’t work when you can’t see around corners. “Captain, that is simply not logical, there is no way an elephant can be around this corner, we would, now be observing signs if such were the case, since we are not, it is logical to assume that there is no elephant around this corner.” Well, the nature of reality isn’t totally known to us. Mr. Spock exists on a movie set, reading a script, so of course, there could easily be an elephant just around the corner, since the buildings aren’t even real themselves.

We get used to believing in a concrete world and it just isn’t that way. People go to war and their reality is shattered. Especially if they had what we assume was the all the advantages — a loving home, a good education, a sweetheart, or two, a good dog, and people who had faith in them. Then they see another side. I have seen brutality, and I have seen what it does to “normal” people, and it isn’t pretty. I have not been to war, but there are many in this world who were not soldiers, but who live in that same world, or worse.

Or is it better, when you were never fully formed in the first place, when, a car jumps the curb and you just react, because, most of you is constantly prepared for unannounced violence, so its just natural that a car would come crashing out of nowhere. I am more amazed by all those who freeze at the unexpected, rather than respond to it. But I am aware that this makes it difficult to form lasting relationships, makes it difficult for wives, for parents, for siblings, and for friends. And this, also, greatly colors my view of Scripture. For me its not just “a nice book”, but if I want this marriage to work (and I do), and if I want to be a good son (I’m not sure), and if I want to be a good friend (I have no real idea as to how), then its going to be in this Book.