I’m not interested in speaking about some of what occurred this week. Very personal. We’ve all been there. Life gets gritty.

How does this affect the “Creative” spirit?

For me, it’s difficult to not close down, completely. Very difficult. My Amazon Vella schedule got messed up this weekend, though, I should still get out my Monday episode, but, it isn’t what I wanted.

What makes things more difficult is that I don’t want to say, don’t want to share, and, I think that is a big part of the “blockage” for me.

When I began my poems, I had to start with a memory that was very painful. Putting “The Bike”, on “paper”, broke something loose and, a flood, ensued. 160 poems in a relatively short period of time. But, I had to begin by sharing something I absolutely didn’t wish to speak about.

Everything we say, has the possibility of affecting someone in our lives. Many times it’s something of an illusion, though, for, either it isn’t as “damaging” to others as we think, or, it just isn’t as meaningful to anyone else.

Throw away people and, throw away, “Memories”

It’s difficult for many “Well Adjusted” people to understand why some of us hold on to things, and make such a big deal out of certain events. “Just let it go, already!”

I actually haven’t heard that much, in my own life, but, I’ve sat, listened, watched, overheard, observed, been privy to, many, many, people who have been in some very dire circumstances, who have endured some tremendous and, traumatic, and truly terrible, “events”, (ordeals, abuse?). From, simply mundane neglect and isolation and the negation of self, to, absolutely horrific abuse, and, of course, in so many of the cases, those around them just want it all to go away.

But, those people usually cannot just let it go away. Not in the normal sense. For, it is just continuing to be a “non”-person.

I don’t mean to ramble, or, keep beating around the bush and being so darn mysterious but, there is also some good, solid, rational for not airing every little thing, and, in speaking in generalities.

“The Bike” wasn’t a generality. It was a memory, a fairly specific memory that spoke of some real things.

But, not many of my other poems spoke of events like that, and, in speaking of “Beast’s” role, in my own life, some of what, “He” went through, was shrouded in imagery. And, that is accurate, to the best of my own recollections.

Moving On

Beast is a good example, as is dog (lower case, d).

Disassociation.

How does one process something that, at once, very much Belongs, to them, and yet, very much involves others?

In relation to what I write, in my poems, many of these events were things I did to others (Such as in “The Bike”), as well as things others did to me.

Now, move on to some Truly serious things, such as, children growing up in a True, very real, War Zone. Bombs, Bullets, Bodies, and, Blood. I’ve met many of these people.

For how much of human history, was this the most common, shared experience? And, what of the millions, and millions of people taken into the slave trade, in days long before the settling of the, “New World?”

Barbarity, hardship, drought, famine, war, disease, plague.

Widows and Orphans.

How prominently they are featured in the Judeo / Christian Scriptures. Life goes on. And we have to process these experiences without passing on additional hardships. Without becoming terrible, scarred, damaged, humans, who can only scar and damage those we love. Without abandoning our roles in a loving life, becoming isolated, remote, angry, and, utterly broken.

I do think that, “Writing”, and, stories, music, laughter, and, tears, play a major role in accepting what was and not allowing it to become,

What will be.

Obviously. I think there is more, much more, to being a whole human being. But, it’s all I’m going to say here.

Enough for now.

Blessings

-Timber Bee